The Sleeping Angel

The sleeping angel

     I found her lying in the green grass, with the warmth of the sun shining on her face, and a gentle breeze blowing over her.  Although I have passed her hundreds of times when she was standing, she never caught my eye the way she did today. The wind had blown her down, and broken her wing, but she lay there, peacefully looking up to heaven.  She reminded me of Lauren on the night she died, in the pasture, on a bed of wild flowers, with the cool night wind blowing over her. I imagine her lying there, looking up to heaven, just like a sleeping angel, with a smile on her face.

     I was compelled to pull over and take a picture of this beautiful, imperfect angel resting in the grass. I knocked on the door of the home to ask permission, but no one answered.  Looking at her lying there, broken, yet more beautiful than she ever seemed to me whole, was enchanting.  I stood in a stranger’s yard, on the side of the highway, looking at this broken angel, and taking her picture.  I was nervous about being in the yard uninvited, but I just had to soak in the peace for a moment.  The day was sparkling, and the breeze was so refreshing.  I wanted to stay with her, lay next to her in the cool grass, and look up to heaven myself, just like Lauren did.

      I feel so blessed to have this image of Lauren’s death in my mind.  I have peace about it now, but I didn’t always.  At first, I focused of the brutality of her demise.  I imagined her being thrown from her vehicle. I could see the panic in her face. I could hear the shattering glass and the thud of her body as she hit the ground.  I envisioned the wheels still spinning on her truck as it lay upside down on top of her.  I pictured her friends trying to lift the truck off of her, and calling for help, trying in vain to save her life that was already gone.  For a while after she died, I couldn’t close my eyes, or be alone with my own thoughts, because the details of her death would take over.  My mind would replay the circumstances of how the life left her body, over and over if I let it.  I guess that is what it took for my mind to believe that my child was dead.

      But today, I am able to focus on the positive.  I cling to the idea of Lauren peacefully lying in the grass, with a smile on her face, looking up to heaven. I have to look at death differently now.  I can no longer fear it, or stop myself from dealing with it. Death is a reality we all must face when it comes for us.  Now, I am able to embrace my time to go like I never could before.  I think that when my time comes, a part of me will be happy, because I know Lauren will be there to meet me.  I get to go where she went, and I get to see her again. But that day is not today. Today I am stopping and spending a few moments with this sleeping angel.  I am thinking of my beloved Lauren, and I am thankful.

Tara Rodney

3/10/11