The winter of Springtime
Will springtime always feel like the winter of my life? So far, every spring since Lauren died I seem to fall into my deepest pits of grief and depression. With the springtime rains, come the tears of regret and loss. The biting chill of the night air reminds me of that February night when Lauren left us, and it takes my breath away. I get resentful of my neighbors and their good fortune. I begin to feel chastised, and broken. I feel forsaken and infinitely forlorn. The light at the end of my tunnel has extinguished, and I don’t want to re-light it again for a while. My soul aches and my body wretches. I shake from within, and tears brim from my eyes. I have no energy or desire to take care of myself. I swallow the lumps of emotion that continually form in my throat. I finally break all the way down, and then I pray to God and the Blessed Mother to help me. I pray for grace and love to chase the shadows of grief from my wounded heart. The hole in my heart begins to spew light again, instead of darkness. The haunting shadows of grief reluctantly retreat, and I can breathe freely again. I can see my glass as half full, and feel blessed. I can be happy for Lauren instead of haunted by her memory.
Tara Rodney
5/27/11