To the newly bereaved parent,
I have compiled a list of the things that brought me peace during my darkest hours. I hope that they can provide some peace for you as well. Nothing can totally soothe our wounded hearts, but in small ways, we can seek, and find bits of peace.
I keep a holy candle burning for my daughter Lauren, at all times. I even bring it with me when I go out of town. The flame flickers on our mantle, right next to her picture and her ashes. It reminds me of her beautiful light which still burns inside my heart.
I have a holy blanket in which to wrap myself. The blanket comes from the Immaculate Conception Church, in Washington, Louisiana. It is blessed by Our Lady of the Most Precious Blood. The blankets from there are known to bring peace and healing to the suffering. My family attends a monthly healing service as much as possible. We have received peace as individuals, and as a family, as a result of our experiences at the healing service.
I turn to Mary when I feel like I am alone in my own pain. Praying the rosary is very calming for me when I become anxious, and overwhelmed by grief. I have a rosary that was made from my friend Peggy’s funeral roses. I love the scent, and the connection I feel to my beloved friend, and the Blessed Mother when I pray on it. I also love to pray on Lauren’s first communion rosary, just knowing that her little hands held the same beads, makes me feel close to her, and it soothes my restless soul.
Welcome to the club that no one wants to join. I would encourage you to find and attend a support group as regularly as possible. Being with other parents who have been where you are now, is therapy like no other. There is an exchange of empathy and acceptance, and a bond that results from sharing our pain with each other. Please try to give it a few times. Sometimes it is not easy to make myself go, but I am always glad that I went.
I make myself seek peace. I don’t wait for it to find me. I try not to let anger and grief cloud my heart and my life. I learned that I can persevere through the pain, and come out stronger on the other side, even when it seems impossible. It’s not always easy to find peace, but I never stop looking, and I never give up hope.
“Time and thinking tame the strongest grief” John Ray, 1678. I believe that the passage of time, and deep reflection, brought me a great deal of relief. I did not forget, or become numb to the effects of grief, I just learned to live with it. In time, I gained more composure, and I learned how to deal with the rogue emotions that ambushed me.
I look for frogs
every day and I remember to fully rely on God, even when I don’t want to. I always try to count my blessings, because I
still have some. At this moment, I have
peace. But I respect the fact that grief
is a cycle that will forever repeat itself in my life. I take each day as it comes, good or bad, and
I make it through the best way that I can.
Remember that your own way of coping works best for you. Follow your heart and you will find peace.
Tara Rodney
3/2/11