Birthday Gift
In the week preceding Lauren’s 21st birthday, her fourth to be celebrated in heaven, I began to receive little reminders and signs of Lauren. London wore her perfume one day, a friend posted a poem from her favorite poet, a few people sent me pictures of frogs, I began to feel as if I were being inundated with messages to be happy and celebrate this day. On the day before Lauren’s birthday, I received a very special sign from my beloved daughter.
As I walked up the stairs to my room, my heart felt heavy with grief. I was going about the business of mentally and emotionally preparing myself to celebrate another one of Lauren’s birthdays without her when the gift caught my eye. There, amongst the grouping of figurines I had so thoughtfully placed on the stairwell, was Lauren’s angel, and she had a beautiful halo! I was amazed because I have passed that grouping of figurines several times, each day since I installed the lighted air freshener next to them, but I have never noticed the light reflecting above Lauren’s angel until today. In the grouping there is a girl for London, a boy for TJ, an “Angel of Remembrance” for Lauren, and an “Angel of Serenity” for the child we lost to miscarriage. As soon as I saw the halo over Lauren’s angel, the cloud of grief and pain was dissipated, and a smile came across my face and my heart at the same time.
Whenever I receive a gift or a sign, my wounded heart leaps for joy and my soul is elated! I get the sensation that I am floating on a gentle breeze from the inside. My feet are firmly planted on the earth, yet my soul is soaring on wings of complete joy. My precious baby girl is still with me, and I can feel it in a tangible way again. I smile and I know, even for just a fleeting moment, because I have felt her with my heart. I have learned that synchronicity is a gift of faith. It is a reminder that there are no coincidences, and that this life is so much bigger that we perceive. It inspires me to feel with my heart, and it makes me believe again, when I feel like just giving up.
I hope that in receiving this gift from Lauren, I am also giving her a gift for her birthday in heaven. I hope that her spirit is smiling as much as mine is today. I hope that somehow this touch is reciprocated on her side, and that she feels me with her heart, just like I feel her. The smile on my face and the warmth in my heart tells me that she does.
Happy 21st Birthday to our beloved daughter, sister, and friend, Lauren Elizabeth Rodney
Tara Rodney
7/11/12
