F.R.O.G. Blog

Other End of the Phone

I can hear it on your end of the phone. Say it...wait....don't say it. I know in my heart, by the sound of your voice....

But don't say the words yet. I still have hope. As soon as you say them, it's a reality, and I know for sure what happened. In this brief moment of confusion, I can still pray for a miracle.

Don't say it yet. This is the nightmare phone call that every parent dreads. I know it, I can hear it in your voice. I can feel it in my heart, and in the pit of my stomach. She's gone, but don't  say it. My ears haven't heard it yet, and my brain doesn't believe it.

Let me stay in limbo a little longer, teetering between old reality and new.

I'm not ready. I don't want to join that club that no one wants to join. Please don't tell me I am now a bereaved parent.

Just don't say it, I still want to pretend....I want you to tell me that I am over reacting, and that she will be fine. Say it!  Let me hear her voice, or her crying in the background. Tell her that I love her. Tell her I'm coming!! Tell her to hold on, please Lauren!!  I'm coming!!

Wait, don't hang up. With the end of this phone call, my life is changed. Even though it is excruciating to hang here on the other end of the phone, it's my last grip on my life as I knew it. Its my last chance to think of Lauren as alive. When you hang up, the phone call telling me that she's dead, is official.

I scream, and I cry, and I hand the phone to my sleeping husband. I watch his face as he understands what I've come to learn. I beg him to tell me that I didn't hear the person on the other end of the phone right. Tell me I'm wrong.  Please!!  Tell me I'm overreacting.

Silent tears fall from my husband's eyes as he puts on his clothes, and he tells me to do the same. He hugs me and tells me that we have to go. The other end of the phone has gone silent now, and the reality is here.

Thank you for calling. Thank you for giving us the opportunity to go to her. Thank you for being so brave to let us know, instead of letting us find out later. Thank you for staying with her, and praying with her. Thank you for asking the paramedics to try again.

Thank you for coming to us later, and telling us that you stayed, and prayed, and you never left her alone. Thank you for letting us know that she died with a beautiful smile on her face, and that she looked like a sleeping angel, laying in the grass.

You were so much more than just the voice in the other end if the phone. Thank you,  for holding her hand as she passed from this world to the next. God bless you for your bravery, and your compassion.

T.Rodney

10/28/10

Dedicated to Edison Mayeaux, my angel on the other end of the phone.

 

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